


keep me dreaming

by songofwinterfell



Category: Thor - All Media Types
Genre: AU, Cancer, Character Death, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-07-21
Updated: 2014-07-21
Packaged: 2018-02-09 19:33:39
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 779
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1995219
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/songofwinterfell/pseuds/songofwinterfell
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Thor has known it would come to this, that it wouldn't last, but it doesn't make this any easier.</p>
            </blockquote>





	keep me dreaming

**Author's Note:**

> So I went to watch The Fault In Our Stars a few days ago, and I think it was actually better than the book, at least in my opinion. The book was slightly annoying and pretentious, but the film managed to be less so. Though I didn't cry, it was still sad, and this little ficlet was somewhat inspired by it. It's not much, I wrote it in thirty minutes, but I think it's fine this way. 
> 
> The title is from Keep Me Dreaming by American Authors, the story belongs to me, and the rest belongs to Marvel.

Loki dies on the first day of summer.

It is a beautiful day, the first of many to come, the kind of day when everything is perfect and nothing hurts. Thor wakes up to the bright sunlight shining through the blinds and warming his skin, and he yawns sleepily, stretching his limbs. There is no school today, there is nothing but countless hours of freedom, and he can afford to laze around all day, maybe go the beach and meet his friends. But only after he has visited Loki.

He is just pulling on his jeans when there is a soft knock on the door and his mother comes to the room, holding a phone in her hand. Her face is slightly puffy and her eyes are red, and before she can even open her mouth, Thor knows already what she is going to say. He meets her eyes, silently asking if it is true, and she nods.

Thor turns his back on her and starts to cry.

Loki is dead. It doesn't come as a surprise, for Thor has known for a long time that Loki is very sick and not going to get any better, but it still hurts, hurts so much, it wasn't supposed to happen this soon.

Loki had told Thor to start preparing himself for it as he lay on his bed with tubes coming out of his stomach and his bald head gleaming softly under the hospital lights, looking at Thor with tired eyes, startlingly green against his white skin, but Thor had refused, saying that Loki still had a lot of time left. They had the whole summer to themselves, Thor had said, he would take Loki to the beach and they would eat ice cream and they would be happy, they would forget all about cancer,  _you are not going to die yet, damnit, I won’t let you._  Loki had sighed and turned his head away, and Thor had pretended not to see the tears glistening in Loki's eyes.

And now Loki is gone. In a way Thor knows it is better this way because Loki had been in a lot of pain for the last few days, too weak to do nothing but sleep for hours, stuck in his bed and waiting for death to finally take him, and now he is finally in peace. He had tried to cover how sick he actually was when Thor came to visit, not wanting to worry him, but Thor isn't as stupid as people think him to be, he had seen the paleness of Loki's skin and the way his hands shook, seen how he winced every time he moved. Thor had seen all of it, but he had just pretended not to. He had not been strong enough to accept that one day, probably soon, he would be forced to let Loki go.

Once, when Thor had been visiting Loki, a doctor had told Loki that he was lucky to be still alive with such an aggressive form of cancer, that the survival rate was very low and he was defying all odds. Thor will never forget the bitter shadow of a smile on Loki's face and the words that fell past his lips,  _who says I want to be alive anymore?_

Loki got what he wanted, he is dead and Thor is alone now, and as he cries and cries, tears dropping to his cheeks, his whole body shaking, he cannot help but hate Loki. He had no right to leave Thor behind, no right. What about him? He may not be the one with cancer, the one who is dead and never coming back, but he is the one left behind, doesn't it matter anything that he is hurting too? Loki tore him apart and then left him to bleed out, and there is no way out for him. It is not fair, it’s just not fair.

Thor covers his face with his hands and keeps on crying. His mother and father are by his side, holding him and murmuring soft words into his ears, but it does little good, nothing can help Thor right now. He just wants to be left alone to mourn. There is nothing else he can do now. Loki is dead, he does not exist anymore, his body is cold and his heart is silent, and Thor almost throws up when he realises that he will have to bury Loki. He doesn’t think he can do it.

Thor loves Loki, has loved for a long time, so much that he has no words for it, but he only loves ghosts now. He is alone.

 


End file.
